The Chew Blew. Daytime TV’s Latest Flop.


It’s finally here kids. The show that you have all been waiting for ….The View…I mean The Chew.

Ok, the Chew replaced All My Children. A show that has been around 40 something years is being replaced by a show that many think will only last 40 minutes.

What do I think? Come aboard and find out…but bring your Tums.

The lack-luster cast is as follows, along with their opening gothcha statements.

Clinton Kelly “I want to bring style into your life..because it’s the little things that make a big difference.”

Carla Hall “When I cook my food, I want it to hug you.”

Michael Symon “The most important thing in my life is family and it’s food that brings us together.”

Daphne Oz ” I am all about food but believe me I want to make healthy living fun and easy.”

Called the Health and Wellness guru. They should refer to her as the very lucky daughter of Dr. Oz.

Mario Batali ” Ya know, there are 2 kinds of people. There’s a diet and the people that want to be a diet.”

For the flagship show Mario Batali was playing golf in NJ for a charity while Michael was making Pork and Beans Supreme served over kale and beans.

It was an odd layout. They make their food…rush through the recipes because there is a commercial every 2 minutes.

What I do like is that they cook the meal, show the recipe and talk about it as they are doing it.

Daphne butts in with her healthy mumbo jumbo, cheesy  cotton candy pop crap advice.

Commercial break…….

And we’re back…..

Michael finished the dish and with the magic of tv, the special Emeril style seated audience all have plates full of this dish…and guess what..they all love it! No shit….wouldn’t you love to hear someone say it taste like crap?

Ok…now the hen’s cackle a little like the View and get ready for Daphne’s smoothie and Carla’s recipe and Michael talks about his tool and damn…1 minute into it and another commercial.

Enter Daphne, the only reason I have this sweet gig is because my dad if Dr. Friggin, Oz.

Are you ready for her super cool smoothie that will revitalize you…separate your webbed toes and grow your hair back.

So her segment is, Things My Dad Taught Me. It’s  Daphne’s Superfood Breakfast Smoothie.

With yogurt, fruit, blueberries, psyllium,( the fiber around a seed to help you eat less) Ester C Capsules and Ice. Sounds delicious.

But wait….just as she is making people leave for the bathroom in comes daddy…Dr. Oz himself. Ok, this segment was as boring as shit and I can’t get back the last 6 minutes of my life.

After the commercial Michael introduces his micro-plane grater and demonstrates how awesome it is to grate lemon on meat balls.

Wait back up…lemon zest on meat balls?? WTF?

Does it get better than this?? This segment was 30 seconds long.

Ok,  Enter Carla with her 40 year old box of Betty Crocker recipe cards and decides to make Fried Apple Pancake Rings.

She makes the recipe, feeds the hungry hippos in the audience and Fo shizzle after all the unemployed house pidgeons cluck back ad fourth in agreement….we find out that she got Clinton his own box of recipe cards and the crowd goes wild as if the queen of cooking Ms. Paula Deen walked down the isle with free butter sticks for all.

Commercial break again and then comes Clinton’s segment….From Plate to Platter. This is where Clinton shows you simple recipes on how you can make simple, quick and fast apps and still have time to entertain and be involved in the party.

He takes a meal that he loves and essentially shrinks it down to serve on a platter.

Steak Crostini:Broil a skirt steak and put on crostini and top with horseradish sauce and chives.

BLT Sandwich: Hearts of romaine lettuce, top with bacon, tomato and spicy mayo.

Pork Chops and Apple Sauce/aka Schnitzel Bites. Take 1 inch cube of port tenderloin fried in evoo and make a apple sauce mustard dipping sauce.

Ok…Clinton’s ideas were pretty good and made me hungry.

Next and Last..Mario Batali.

During the commercial I am biting my nails….wondering what could he be making for us??? Please commercials stop..I can’t handle it any more.

Ok, and they are back. Mario is going to make a pizza. Wow,,,,,shocker!!

He gives us the recipe to make the dough or tells you to just buy it in the pizzeria.

S0 take the dough…ladle sauce on it. Are you with me so far? Pay attention.

Lay down some cheese on it.

Put in your fire burning oven or on a pizza oven at 550 for 8-12 minutes.

Pizza comes out..sprinkle with basil, drizzle of evoo and black pepper.

At this moment Mario announces that the audience is all getting a slice of pizza.

Hey…it’s not Oprah giving away a house but it’s still free grub.

What’s the take away?

Do I think it will last more than 6 weeks? No.

The personalities are oddly mismatched, the show is unfocused and I cannot figure out if it is a talk show, a cooking show or just a temporary filler for the next time slot.

The show was essentially a hodge podge, a heterogeneous mixture, a jumble,  a disorderly match of bi-polar personalities making and chatting about food and food related pop culture.

It brings to the culinary world what Chef

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