A Man In The Kitchen

It’s a cold November night, you’re hungry for something different. Something organic, something prepared with a conscience and an artful touch. Something creatively delicious. Food that you actually notice as it is placed in front of you. Food that you actually think about with each bite.

In the Spring of 2008 the village of Port Jefferson FINALLY came out of its fried food coma. You see, Port Jeff was never really known for its food. Sure, tourists thought that places like George Wallace’s Dockside or The Steam Room actually had good fresh seafood. WRONG! The only thing fresh that came out of these place were the attitudes from the pissy employees that didn’t want to be there.

The food is creative, fresh and prepared by professionals that are more like artists than chefs. The staff is professional and corteous and managment is always friendly.

The Bar: Happy hour specials varry and are available 7 days a week. It’s a bar but don’t worry it’s not a sports bar with screaming maniacs. Sure there is a flat screen tv with the big game playing but there is no half time screaming or glutten contests here.

Seth takes control of the bar making suggestions when you are indoubt. They have fresh microbrews on tap as well as about   From hefeweizen to hennepin and dead guy to doggie style they have a beer that will surely float your beer boat. ALL ABOARD! Not to mention a wine selection that will make your head spin and an array of cockails from the classics like The Sidecar to new concoctions made with fresh juices and purees like the bartlett pear & ginger martini made with grey goose pear vodka, bartlett pear, ginger, fresh squeezed lemon

Wines and microbrews are carefully selected to perfectly pair with dishes that seem to be created just for you.

Noted tastes include: ANY soup on the menu. Puree of Butternut Squash….HOLY CRAP THIS IS SO GOOD!

Caesar Salad $8.00 Baby red and green romain letuce with shaved aged pecorino. herbed croutons and a deliciously creamy lemony garlic dressing.

Noted Appetizers: American Artisinal and Farmstand Cheese Plate $12 Includes 3 cheeses with seasonal accompainments

Side Orders: All Sides are $6 and include the folllowing:

Mac and Cheese, Braised Kale with Lardons, Herbed Polenta, Sauteed Broccolini, Roasted Brussel Sprouts, Garlic Mashed potatoes, Yukon Gold Hash and my favorite, the Fresh Cut French Fries.

You may think…hmmm, french fries? What’s so special? I’ll tell you. They make them in a meth lab and sprinkle cocaine on them or that’s how I assume they are made because they are so damn addicting. Also, the mac and cheese is not like mom made and doesn’t come in a blue and yellow box. When I first saw the mac and cheese coming out I thought it was a bit too small but it really wasn’t, it was a perfect portion. Rich, creamy, tangy and so comforting.

Pros: The staff is amazing and are all “real people.”

        The owners are legit and a pleasure to chat with.

        The bartenders are cool and offer great suggestions, just don’t ask Set to make you a Mind Eraser.

        The atmosphere and ambience is so comforting it makes you want to curl up in the corner lounge chair…sip some scotch and dream on.

         Oh yeah….the food baby, the food.

Cons:  Specialty cocktails can get pricey however they are classic and made with the freshest ingredients.

           The parking lot is a metered parking lot and the wanna be jerk-off junior constables (who only have the job because they are related to someone of “importance” in the village) LOVE to give tickets. They wait around like sharks waiting for a pudgy baby’s leg to hit the water.

Take the 5th in Port Jeff and be sure to say hello to it’s honoray mayor Christie.

When in Port Jeff just listen for the Island sounds of calypso music behind Starbucks and you will find what used to be the Elk Street Grille. If you are looking to come in and relax with ice cold drinks, cold oysters in a nice relaxed air conditioned atmosphere..skip this place!

From 1850, carriages were built at this location. The carriage business continued here until about 1920, when the site officially became the Elk’s Hotel. Ownded by the Koutrakos family for more than eight decades the Elk’s name had been kept alive until it became Harrington’s Jazz Club then around 1999 to 2008 the Elk Street Grille owned this space.2008 Enter Tequila Jack’s Mainland.

From all of the incarnations that this space has seen this place seems to be the biggest dissapointment yet.

For appetizers we started with the Chef’s Selection of Fine Imported Cheeses.  The selection included a total of nine pieces of cheese the size of a scrabble piece. 3 horseradish cheddar, 3 wasabi cheddar and 3 elderberry along with a generic stone ground wheat cracker..well, actually 7 crackers, 3 tbsp diced pineapple and about 2 strawberries sliced.  The cheese, I would swear, were Pathmark’s super value brand. The crackers were the quality of the ones that come in those big Hillshire Farm basket deals that you see at Walmart that are atleast 5 years old. And for the fruit..let’s just say it probably wasn’t organic. $15 for this was a total RIP OFF!

I swear, I look for what’s good but sometimes its harder to find that than Big Foot…or George Wallace selling quality food. (local Pt. Jeff Joke)

For appetizer #2 we ordered the Raw Bar for 2. $21. Carribian Cocktail Shrimp, Long Island Little Necks and Blue Point Oysters.

There were more chips in these oysters than Chips Ahoy cookie. The oysters arrived at our table room temperature. Room temperature oysters? That’s like having chicken sushi or an extra rare pork chop. Not good. They arrived on a platter with the shrimp in the middle and no ice at all to keep then cool. Within 2 min they were warm! There were 4 of us sampling and everone said the same thing. “How can Littlenecks taste like rubber bands?” and ”How can oysters and clams stay fresh, safe and at the proper temperature with no ice bed?” Also the place was 80 degrees inside, the A/C was not turned on because they wanted everyone to hear the music as they passed by. No joke, I checked the weather..the humidity was 80%, it was muggy, humid and there were flies going from table to table. We were told that we had to put up with this stuff in Port Jeff in the summer. Everywhere else had air conditioning…PA-LEASE!

In the words of the prolific Chef Gordon Ramsay…”What The F$#K are you F$#king A$$Hol#$ thinking? Someone can get bloody sick!

After we got our apps we decided that we needed to end this experiment, save some money and get out. If you are looking for a full dinner review, I am sorry I cannot help but I would love to hear your experiences.

Not all was shot to hell. The sauce that the shrimp were coated in was a sweet and tangy caribbean jerk style sauce that left a nice bit of heat on your tongue when you were done. That was delicious. We just hoped that it was enough heat to kill the bacteria in those room temperatue oysters.

So kids, here is the takeaway…It was so hot that the band even mentioned a few times,into the mic, that it was time for the manager to flip on the air conditioner, there were more flies in the bathroom than there are at the harbor during low tide and I bet this place will be about as successful as Kirstie Alley on a diet.

Check out http://www.oysters.us/opening.html for useful info on oysters. Warm oysters are a loaded gun. Friends Dont’ Let Friends Eat Warm Oysters.

The ghosts of the old park bench are no longer there but the memories still live on.

The last time I was there was September 1994 and the day after that I had the worst hangover in my life. Not this time.

Just to give you a quick time frame, The Park Bench was a hot spot in the late 80′s and early 90′s. You could hang with friends between classes, drink under age if you gave the bartender $2.00, eat hundreds of chicken wings and rock out with your….ah never mind. It was a fun place and it directly across from the Stony Brook Train station and The University.

From the early 90′s up until the last owner it was owned by a few characters.

At one point it was called Brew Moon Pizzeria and Bar. They renovated it and moved on. The next owner/sucker came in and word has it purchased it for $500K because it was a brick oven super-bar that was the biggest thing on L.I. ( or at least that is what they were told)

This went under most likely because SUNY students can use their meal card to purchase Domino’s Pizza (located next door to the Bench), Station Pizza and Brew ( located on the other side of the Bench) as well as pizza on campus. Great research guys!

After that there was Tutt’s. This was the brain child of the long time owner/scumbag of Port Jefferson’s biggest waste of premium space.The Village Way. This was an Egyptian themed restaurant with bad food and a lack of a liquor license. I was told by the owner of The Way that the day after they bought the restaurant/bar King Tutt came back after hours, stole all the plates and booze. Hmmm. Truth or lies? You decide.

After this folded in 3 months came Patty Buchanans. Shouldn’t you have an Irish guy involved when you open an Irish Bar? Well it really didn’t matter because this place lasted about as long as it takes to cook corned beef and cabbage. I hear that the owners were the guys who owned Merlot and Harley’s and Heffers. This place was pretty sad also. I took a real Irishman here and he was pissed off when his Shepperd’s Pie arrived. We decided to check out the bar. Johnnie Wallstreet was behind it. He didn’t know how to make any drinks but he opened up a Coor’s Light quite well. It wasn’t his fault that the beer was warm and the place had 2 people in it on a Sat night. He told us 3 times that he worked on Wall Street. I guess he was a loser in the markets as well.

My friend Steve and I decided to go for dinner and what a pleasant surprise it was. The decor was clean and airy and the staff was cordial and nice.

What we drank: A couple of martinis, Magic Hats and Brooklyn’s finest. Cold…and poured perfectly.

What we ate:

Nachos Mile High:

Piled high is a crisp mountain of chips smothered with chili, cheddar cheese, pico de gallo, sour cream and jalapenos. A HUGE porion served on a turkey platter. Awesome…seriously good eats. For Dinner: